Iceland Roses - The Story Chapter 16

 

Preamble

The story is fictional. Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents in this blog are either the product of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. 

For many years Nathan had tried to please and appease Kayla. Persisted. He wanted her to not complain, not criticize and to not start fights. He wanted to change his external world. He does not realize that he was a wounded soul from before he met Kayla. He thought he could make her change. If only she recognized how much he wanted to please her. He wanted to feel accepted by her .... a feeling of belonging ... more than anything else.

Slowly, now that the divorce negotiations were happening did he begin seeing that he could not. All he could change was his inner world. Finally he was beginning to be ready to learn. His inner soil was ready to accept the seeds of the lessons he has to learn. 

Even so, he was only half-ready to learn that when what you want is no longer there, you have to leave. Perhaps it had never been there. He thought it was there because he wanted it so desperately. 

Chapter 16

He woke up early. He had a hangover. But he had things to do. Compile the schedule of amounts, pension income vs maintenance payments as discussed with Amanda. In the email he emphasized that he'd done it to illustrate inequity. Amanda had to make a call on how she wanted to use the information in her discussions with Henry. Nathan was against any form of pleading unfairness or being the victim in the situation. Because he realized it would mean nothing to Kayla and even less to Henry. Finally realized that how he had cared about her was very  different from how she felt towards him. He based the calculation on a maintenance amount of 3800. Even then the distribution of their combined income favored Kayla to the value of almost 2000. Maintenance payments of 10 000 a month was unrealistic.

He sent the email and went to have coffee at the local hotel.

The hotel has a breakfast-lounge cum coffee shop area. Locals often sit around the same table or casually share the same space and chat. Today a man he had not met before, joined Nathan and they chatted politics while having coffee. Nathan had finished his coffee and stood up to leave. He was not yet fully upright when he was overcome by dizziness. He felt himself going forward and there was nothing he could do to correct his balance. He just kept on going forward and down. He did not fall with a crash. It was more of a forward roll. He put out his hands, braced against the floor and then went over.

It was very embarrassing, drunk and disorderly before 11 AM. The effects of the alcohol from the day before had worn off. He was not intoxicated. but claiming to be sober now was not an option. He had difficulty getting up. The dizziness was less severe, but he also lacked the strength to get up. It was as embarrassing as falling down. The man helped him get up and he somehow made it to his car. His legs were shaking as he went down the four steps from the front veranda of the hotel.

He got home okay. But he had similar difficulties negotiating the stairs leading to his front door. Something was seriously wrong. Without a second thought he poured himself a large shot. He sat down to drink it. This time making sure he sipped small amounts and taking his time over the drink.

After several minutes he was feeling better and also no longer out of breath.

He called to make an appointment with the GP. She was not available. This was not unusual. She was battling the after effects of COVID. Nathan made an appointment with the junior partner doctor. 

There was an appointment available in the afternoon. He was feeling much better but decided to go anyway. He would not have any more alcohol before seeing the doctor.

He got to the practice well ahead of time. While waiting he mentally listed the symptoms. Dizzy ... appearing to be intoxicated ... fatigue ... short of breath. There was also cramps, loss of appetite, and nausea. He would mention the stress he was under in the context of his divorce negotiations.

The doctor introduced himself, "call me Jako." He had a reassuring manner. A friendly man. "How can I help you?"

Nathan described the symptoms and the incident at the hotel. He discussed the stressful divorce matter and that he had been drinking a lot over the past two days. Jako did the usual blood pressure measurement and stethoscope stuff. Why do doctors always do that before they do anything else? He thought to himself. He examined Nathans ankles. "Have you noticed the swelling of your feet? That the right side is more swollen than the left?"

He hadn't. But having it pointed out to him he saw it was indeed the case. Jako did a blood sugar prick test. Blood sugar was normal.

They sat down at his desk and the doctor delivered the verdict. They would start off with blood tests for kidney function. The symptoms indicated there may be a problem there. "Let's start by eliminating that," he said. "If your kidneys are fine we can explore other things." There was no medication. Just to take things easy for now. Did Nathan want an antidepressant to help with the stress? Nathan declined. He'd had anti depression stuff before and it did nothing for him. A 30 minute walk in the morning was a far better antidepressant. 

He went to the pathologist to have blood specimens taken. Jako would call as soon as he had the results. Nathan was concerned about it and had visions of dialysis machines and constant fatigue. 

It did not stop him from finishing the bottle of liquor. He went out to get another. At least he would not lie awake half the night.

He fell into an alcohol induced sleep early in the evening. His AA sponsor would call it "passed out." At just after midnight he was awake again and could not sleep. He poured himself a large drink and stood outside having it. Moving the glass back and forth, hypnotized by the clinking of the ice. It wasn't cold. He wondered if he should check his email. Then pushed aside the idea, "Nothing is going to happen between now and morning. What you find on email now may just keep you awake longer."

Munch joined him. Faithful, attentive dog. He ruffled her ears. They stood like that for minutes. Then went in. Nathan poured himself another drink. No ice this time. Took it to bed with him. His balance was worse in the dark. He lay in bed, the glass balanced on his chest but keeping one hand on it anyway. He finished the drink slowly. Eventually he put the glass on the night stand and shut his eyes. It was difficult to not think about the settlement document. 

He woke up at the usual time. After breakfast and during his walk with Munch he had a discussion with himself. Not out loud, in his head. "What if your kidneys are packing up? Answer this question now. For a change don't avoid it. You've been concerned about it, but now, what if that's what the cause of your balance problem and your exhaustion?" He was walking uphill and paid attention to his breathing. He would have to stop halfway up the hill. "Well, there are treatment options. It's the 21st century. There's dialysis. Organ replacement is expensive. But it is an option. If the diagnosis confirms kidney problems there are those options and you will immediately consult a specialist. That's it." 

Amanda called him. All good news. Henry had agreed to Amanda compiling a draft consent paper. He'd also spoken to his client about the car. She agreed in principle. Amanda would draft the document. Car immediately. 3800 per month. Monthly medical aid membership payments on the conditions discussed.  She would also indicate in the covering email that Nathan was prepared to offer a cash lump sum in addition to what's in the draft consent paper.

Jako called not long after. More good news. Kidneys were okay. Not 100 percent, but good for his age. They have to do tests for other things. Specifically iron deficiency and anemia. He also wanted to check lung function. Depending on the results, Nathan may have to go for vascular and heart ultrasound imaging.  Nathan made an appointment for the afternoon. 

All good. All he had to do now was wait. He poured himself a drink even though it was only 11. And despite having an appointment with the doctor later. 

He woke up slowly. Cold. He was lying on the floor. A thousand thoughts went through his head. How come am I lying n the floor? Did I fall? Did I lose consciousness? Obviously. He wasn't drunk. He tried to get up and after the second attempt realized in a terrifying moment he could not. He was too weak. He could not even pull himself up by using the chair. He panicked. Call Linda. But his cell phone was charging in the utility room.

He was able to crawl. Rest for a minute. Crawl again. His hands were shaking as he made the call. Fortunately he also had the numbers of the police and the ambulance on his contacts. But Linda answered on the third ring. He tried to tell her in as calm a tone as possible. 

By the time she and Jack arrived he was able to sit up. He still could not get up by his own strength. Jack helped him onto the couch. Linda took charge. He told her about his appointment and the call he'd had with Jako. She said, "Good. We're leaving now." He was bundled into their car and they went to Jako's practice. 

Nathan was calm. Nothing to do. He was in good hands. Things will run their course now.