Iceland Roses - The Story Chapter 15

 

Preamble

The story is fictional. Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents in this blog are either the product of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. 

Because of his yearning for order and fairness, Nathan is inclined to look for solutions that clearly do not shortchange the other person. He will often give in to demands that don't serve him at all well. Sometimes just to end the nagging and chaos. This MO was well established during his marriage to Kayla. It's a blind spot. It may happen again in the negotiations about a settlement. 

He's sensitive to the pain of both parties involved in a dispute, but often unaware of his own stress and feelings when he's one of the adversaries. 

Chapter 15

 

Amanda virtually rewrote Henry's consent paper. She sent Nathan the draft. He was satisfied with it and told her to go ahead. Perhaps he should have made a counter offer of even less than 5000 a month. But there is a number below which one cannot go. Then the entire counter offer will be thrown out. It will just make the other side more resolute. 

He talked to Linda'and her partner, Jack. Jack had a good idea about the car for Kayla. "Why don't you give her your car?" he suggested. "They want a car for Kayla ... give her yours. If she had to buy that car on the secondhand market she'd pay a lot more than 120 000. And if you sold it you'd be lucky to get 60 K. It's a good deal for both of you. And you are seen to be cooperating."

Nathan made a mental note to talk to Amanda about that. Wait to hear what the others say about the counter offer and then work the car into the consent paper. Jack was right. The car was in better condition than when he bought it. Nathan spent a lot of money on clutch, transfer box, new tires. It would be a good deal for Kayla and he did not have to lay out 120 000. He could rather buy a small pickup for that.

Henry's PA called Nathan. She just wanted to make sure that he was aware that the 24 hour deadline had come and gone. When could they expect to get a reply. Nathan still did not know that this was against protocol. That it was deliberate bullying. He was compliant, bordering on apologetic, and assured her that the response would be completed soon. Amanda was handling it.

Henry's amended consent paper arrived. Attached to an email with a  threatening tone. It was a masterpiece of incompetence. Henry had signed it, but obviously without first reading the document. Nathan was sure the PA had compiled it. There were pieces of text that were completely irrelevant. Presumably from another case Henry may be handling. It was a copy and paste exercise of the worst kind. 

Amanda agreed with him. He asked her, "Why  don't you offer to write the document for them? Ask them for their letterhead and you write it. They can then amend the content as they see fit. Perhaps they are able to not screw that up."

She said she would. Importantly, the 5000 was rejected and the 10000 repeated. The rest of the discussion was about what the next steps should be. He told her about the car. She thought that was a good idea. Practical. And it showed a willingness to cooperate. 

Nathan would complete a schedule showing in detail the consequences of their demands ... the benefits to Kayla and showing how Nathan's entire pension income would then go to her. A clearly unsustainable option. It would not be an attempt at showing how unfair Kayla's demands were. That would be a waste of time. Nathan wanted to emphasize that it was  unsustainable.

He went to eat something at the local diner. Not hungry, but just to get food in. Also to get out for a while. On impulse he ordered a glass of wine. And then another. 

On the way home he stopped at the liquor store and bought a bottle of vodka.

He wrote a long email to Rachel. Just to be heard. While sitting at his computer he drank a third of the bottle of vodka. He did not mention the alcohol to Rachel. He felt overwhelmed, empty. Cornered and with nobody to talk to about it. 

Then he fell asleep watching a story on TV.

He woke up with cramps from slouching on the couch. His mouth was dry and he had a faint headache. Without giving it a second thought he chucked a handful of ice cubes in a clean glass and sloshed some vodka over. It was a familiar pattern ... drink half a bottle quickly ... pass out ... wake up feeling bad ... drink to feel better ... end up feeling worse.

He finished his drink. Poured another. Either he was drinking too fast or he could no longer metabolize the alcohol at the same rate as before. He got drunk very quickly he noticed. 

He'd worry about his drinking tomorrow, he told himself. But he did not believe himself.

His cell phoned pinged. There was a reply from Rachel. He read it on the computer.

 

Re: Your settlement

Rachel HM-HR to me

Nathan, thanks for the email. We know one another well already. I know you have a good understanding of your personality type, cluster C. And also Kayla's, type B. I'm going to hand down some challenges for you

You hate seeing and experiencing discord. Another's suffering makes you deeply uncomfortable. You are the natural peace-maker. I know you have a strong wish to see Kayla's needs taken care of.

She on the other hand is conscious primarily of her own needs. Wants everything for herself and is unconcerned about your position.

The gap between her demands and what you consider to be a fair settlement is massive. It will take a mammoth effort to bridge that chasm. To get a fair deal for yourself you will have to learn to live with the discomfort of not giving in and with the discomfort of repeatedly saying no. It will take a long time to arrive at an equitable settlement. Because Kayla and her lawyer don't care. I would say even your lawyer wants finality more than equity. You are very much on your own.

You may become overwhelmed. You could experience deep states of stress. You will be torn between your desire for order and fairness for both parties and wanting to just throw in the towel and to hell with it.

The challenge I have for you is to rise above the chaos, get a clear understanding of what you believe is a fair settlement to you both. (I agree with you BTW, you did not work a lifetime in order to give away your pension benefits just because she wants it and because the law is on her side.) Then you are going to have to find ways and counter arguments/offers to drag the matter out. Hopefully she and her lawyer will run out of steam. Just keep hitting the ball back ... run down the clock. This will be very stressful for you. It is against your nature.

So my challenge for you is this; make your goal to run down the clock ... keep repeating what you feel is a fair offer and out-wait them.

Challenge number 2; resist giving in to your fear that it may end up in court.

And Nathan, monitor your stress. The constant anxiety and doing things that go against your nature will generate a lot of stress. Not healthy.

Be strong. Mind your own interests too, not just hers. James Baldwin said it beautifully: “you’ve got to tell the world how to treat you because if the world tells you how you are going to be treated, you are in trouble” 

Regards

Rachel

 It was good advice. But running down the clock is stressful when it's not your usual MO. He was not used to waiting for others to make a move. Move in the direction you want them to move. Nathan was a take action person. He sees what needs to be done and goes there. Waiting will wear him out 

For just over ten years now he has been pussyfooting around Kayla. Trying stuff and hoping to get to a place where she'd be happy. Stop complaining. Not knowing what she wants because she didn't say what she wants. Her wanting a divorce was perhaps the one clear demand she'd made during their marriage. 

He thought about what his feelings were towards her now. He had not stopped for a moment to put it into words for himself. They were definitely adversaries now. Kayla trying to maximize what she can get from him and him trying to not lose half his retirement assets. How can one go from love to adversaries in such a short time? 

Did he ever love her? What he felt right now wasn't love at all. He didn't loathe or hate her either. Nor was he angry. Neutral with a dash of lost hope, he smiled to himself. He didn't feel like a victim. That was not him. When life deals him a bad hand he does not lament that he'd been dealt a bad hand. He immediately began figuring how best to play the cards he had. 

It was the waiting and being cornered that had got to him.