Preamble
The story is fiction. Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents in this blog are either the product of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Nathan is not superstitious. However, he respects dreams ... they may contain messages about something in the subconscious that the dreamer does not yet know consciously e.g. a blind spot, a concept inaccessible to the analytical mind. He does not believe in popular dream theories like dreaming of a snake might be a symbol of hidden threats, deceit, or betrayal in your life or untrustworthy people.
His belief is that a dream, especially a repetitive dream, is a metaphor of what your subconscious wants to communicate to you. It's a coded message and the dreamer has to decode it for himself in order to understand the actual message.
Chapter 5
Lucas, the painter, was well known in the village for work of reasonable quality. He was perhaps better known for his tendency to hit the bottle. It did not bother Nathan that Lucas sometimes drank ... he could monitor the situation. Drunk on the job would not be tolerated. He made that clear. He told Lucas that he, Nathan, was a recovering alcoholic and knew all the excuses and behaviors of addicts first hand. They joked about the fact that sometimes when having had a few one's opinion of the quality of one's work gets elevated unrealistically and you don't comprehend that it's actually a very bad job. They had agreed that drunk on the job would result in stop immediately, go home, no pay for the day.
Progress had been good and quality was better than acceptable. Surface preparation of the living-kitchen space had been done. The main bedroom was done. Cadhla had told him she had met a woman who would give her a ride towards the end of the following week. This was good. Almost enough time to finish painting and he did not have to go and fetch her in the city. The woman would bring her to within 50 kilometers of here.
He was still apprehensive. No, he was worried. Cadhla had seen only photos of the house in it's original state. It had the advantage though that any improvements he'd made since then would stand out for her. Originally the interior was dark. The previous owner liked hard colors, olive green, dark cream. There were two walls painted maroon! Nathan decided everything would be white. He ripped out all the blinds and curtains that had been left behind. He'd already ordered lightweight, pale color, blinds. "Double Fabric Roller Blinds – a stylish and modern solution for controlling light levels. Featuring alternating sheer and solid stripes across two layers of fabric," read the advert. He interpreted this to mean that they could be adjusted between see-through-lace state and solid-regular-blind state.
To Nathan the new place wasn't a roof over one's head, a place to stay. It was tightly coupled to their relationship. If Cadhla liked being there they would have a wonderful life together. The new place, their relationship and their future happiness were interlinked. He struggled to find words for the powerful feelings he had about making their relationship work. Nathan wanted trust, forgiveness, acceptance, care for one another to drive their interaction. He loved imagining himself in the role of her caretaker and friend ... didn't want to feel like her adversary and constantly the obstacle between her and her happiness. He felt he was teetering on the brink of an abyss and would fall into dark nothingness if he lost Cadhla. There was nothing if he let their relationship fail.
So, fearful of tumbling into nothingness, he worked furiously to establish their dream living space. He got up early again today and would spend most of the day on his feet, supervising the work and doing some of it himself. He fell into bed exhausted most evenings, sometimes without having an evening meal.
It's okay, he thought to himself. He did not resent the work. When tired he'd remind himself, it's for us.
Nathan woke up from The Dream. Most times, when he woke up from a dream he would know he had dreamed but could not remember it. The Dream was different. He dreamt it often and could remember details. It had to be significant. It had the same feel each time. Not the same details, but always the same underlying message. It's a question actually, what is this "something" I'm searching for, always searching but I never find it? I don't even know what it is? What is the meaning of all the frustrations and obstacles throughout the entire dream?
In his dream he would be retired from his nine-to-five office job. Then he would have to go back to the old workplace for "something." It was very puzzling. He did not know what it was that he had to go back for, but there was an urgent, compelling need to find it.
Sometimes he had difficulty finding the right motorway to get to the building. Often he experienced problems finding the right motorway to get out of the city and back home again. There were many one-ways around the building where he had worked, which complicated the job of getting to the building and away on the right road to get back home.
The building was undergoing renovation, always in the process of a major renovation. When he arrived it was a problem to find the entrance to the underground parking and once he'd parked the car he had to search for a way to the foyer. Elevators were out of action or took him to the wrong floor. Often he'd get stuck between floors. There were boarded up passages. Doors would lead him into dead end spaces. In that way it was a nightmare. In one of the episodes he went up in a stairwell and suddenly the steps ended. He could see where they continued higher up but between the two pieces of still intact staircase was a dark hole, no visible bottom, he could not possibly bring himself to attempt a jump across.
There were people. Some he recognized from his actual working days in that job. He would talk to them, ask where to find someone who could help him find what he was looking for. They were always polite but never able to assist.
Finally, none the wiser, he'd give up and leave the building. Only to have similar struggles finding a way out, locating his car and finding the right motorway to take him back home.
Despite the fact that he did not believe in popular interpretations of dreams he had once Googled, "broken stairs dreams". He found, "A broken staircase in a dream is often perceived as an ominous symbol. The stairs can represent progress, growth, and transition. When these elements are broken or damaged, the dreamer might feel overwhelmed by obstacles or setbacks. This article will explore various interpretations of broken staircases in dreams and provide insights into their possible meanings and significance; Overcoming Challenges, Fear of Change, Self-Doubt, Unresolved Emotions ..."
He lay awake for some minutes, pondering again the information from Google. What challenges, what changes, what self-doubt? Perhaps, yes, but he still had no clue what "something " he was searching for. He did not want to know he was in "Fear of Change" he wanted to know what were those changes he was fearful of making. The dream may be a metaphor, but it was also a complete mystery.
Realizing he would not immediately fall asleep again he got up to make coffee. Those he told about drinking coffee at night, that it settled his anxiety or racing thoughts and helped him sleep were incredulous. He supposed it had little to do with the coffee ... anything he did to break the cycle of thoughts would probably help him sleep. So what, he had a high tolerance to caffeine and it worked for him and so that's what he did.
It was after 3 when he went back to bed.
