Iceland Roses - The Story Chapter 2

 

Preamble

Read chapters in numerical order. The story is fiction. Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents in this blog are either the product of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Had Nathan known anger was Kayla's default approach to differences he may have reconsidered how to handle the next steps in his journey with her. He did not know he would be forced to back down every time. He was unaware of her incapacity to compromise. She had a win-lose style, my-way-or-I'm-gone. But even if he did know, chances are he may still have chosen to let attraction override pragmatism.

Chapter 2

Nathan slept well. The call to Kayla had dispelled his apprehension. The sun was just rising over the hill behind his house. He let Mila out. Then he made himself a cup of coffee. Nathan called his coffee an Amerispresso. The way he made it. an over-extracted smallish Americana, would not muster approval from any self respecting barista. It's how he liked it. They can keep their pretentious standards. 

He enjoyed early mornings outside. Sipping coffee and taking in the fresh surroundings. It wasn't cold. Not a cloud. Only a vapor trail thirty thousand feet up. Tapered. Narrowing in the direction in which the plane was flying. It stretched from the horizon to almost as far as the other extreme of the piece of sky he could see. No sound from what he assumed was probably an Airbus. Where are they going? All those people. Each with his own set of priorities, fears and things to look forward to. 

He returned to his reflections of the previous day, of how they met and the time before they were married. 

They almost did not get married. He thought back on that incident. Episode rather. Or perhaps even an early crisis. It happened even before she moved in with him. They were having breakfast in their favorite coffee shop. Actually it was Kayla's favorite ... she was cost conscious and this particular place provided good value for money. He was less fussy. She normally chose where they went and he even let her order for him most times they ate out.

Kayla was chatting away about her sister's "farewell" party. Madge had landed a contract in Mauritius. She's a nurse. It was a very lucrative contract. Her husband Luke would go with her. Nathan listened. He enjoyed the sound of her voice. He was content, leaning back in his chair, relaxed. One could see it in his expression; he wasn't smiling, just had a relaxed look of happy-to-be-here. That was how he felt inside, happy that a chance meeting had brought his life partner to him. A life partner for their shared golden years. 

When Kayla announced that Madge's party would be the following Friday he realized it was the same day as Rosalind's 21st. Rosalind is his only grandchild, he's son, Shawn's child. He told Kayla and suggested she go to her sister's party and he'd go to Rosalind's event. 

"But I want you there!" she exclaimed loudly putting down her fork with a clang. "I want my husband-to-be to be there." 

Nathan was caught off guard by the intensity of her response. "It's a reasonable compromise, darling. Surely you understand I can't not go to my grandchild's 21st?" 

"Is this how it's going to be? You call the shots?" She was visibly angry. 

Her anger shocked him. This was crazy; a grandchild's 21st birthday was an event he could, not miss. "Look," he tried again,"it's not a train smash. I'll go to Rosalind's celebration. I'll leave as soon as all the important rituals have been completed. Hopefully Madge's event will still be going and I will join you there."

Nathan was dumbfounded, his thoughts in turmoil. How could two people not resolve a simple matter such as a clash of important events? Two people who plan to get married! What did he do wrong? Call the shots!? Is that how she saw it? He was searching for middle ground.

He did not finish his breakfast. He just sat there for a long time, feeling stunned. Then he got up and left, determined to wait for calm to return before making any decisions. This was not the time to figure out what to do next. He needed to be calm. At this moment he saw only two options, let her go or try and repair the situation?  

Later, when relatively calm Nathan tried to reason with himself. He'd already decided he'd call Kayla. He had no idea what he would say to her. He would not say sorry for something that was not his fault? In fact it would be more appropriate for Kayla to apologize for her anger and  storming out. He wanted the the tension between them resolved. At the same time he felt coerced. He knew her well enough already to realize she would not say, sorry, I don't know what came over me. Or, sorry, can we start over? She had put herself in a position from which she could not pivot. If there was going to be making up, he would have to initiate it. 

Did she do it on purpose? Do it to coerce him into being submissive?

There was an inconvenient clash of events. It happens. He could not change the date of Rosalind's birthday or Madge's farewell party! It's simple ... find the best compromise. Any rational person can see that and realize the best way out is to make some concessions. Getting angry and storming out was irrational and compounded the problem.

Instead, if he wanted the relationship, he would have to suck up to her. He loathed it. It would be like self betrayal, took him back to when he was four years old. At that age one has nothing. You can't leave. You had to pretend all's well, suck it up while seething inside.   

"You wanna get married to someone who behaves like this? And early in the relationship on top of it?" he asked himself. 

It was hard to not see the red flag, but he was reluctant to acknowledge it. He understood the possible implications. The feeling of wanting to repair the damage persisted anyway. In his job he was known for finding middle ground when there were disagreements; he could be counted on to restore composure and lead adversaries to calm waters ... yes lead even when he was not the project leader or boss. He was good at it, but then he needed participation. When someone stomps off the scene there's not much that can be done.

He was also known for his dogged persistence. Often bordering on plain  stubbornness. He actually took pride in his tendency to be mulish; it had served him well most times. A friend once described him as, when a plank for a shelf is too short, Nathan will flip it round to make absolutely sure it didn't fit. 

So, the first thing to do is re-engage, get back to at least talking. He could repair the damage once communication was reestablished ... it's his comfort zone, the process of creating reconciliation, accommodating and adapting. Perhaps comfort zone was the wrong word. Perhaps more of a knee-jerk reaction, choosing uncomfortable but familiar over pragmatic.

He could not just give up his dream of golden years with Kayla. Letting the dream go was against his will; it felt like a loss. The fact is he wanted her to love him. He was forced to acknowledge he was already in love with Kayla, wanted to care for her and be protective. He was more than ready to forgive her rash and explosive action. It would be like one  overlooks the impulsive outburst of a child. And it made him feel good to see himself in that role, strong, caring and unselfish.  

The call went much better than he expected. Her tone was frosty but she did not hang up. A good start. 

He repeated what he had told her in the coffee shop, "It's two important events. There's a clash. It's not something we can't work through. Let's you and I take hands, face the difficulty together and together figure out what we will do."

More silence. He could sense her simmering resentment. And then, "I wanted you taken up into my family, be a part of it ... to show and have them recognize that you are an integral part of my family. You putting me last in line is not what I signed up for."

This time he kept quiet. It's a practical problem ... nobody is to blame for anything. Why is she making out like she's a victim? And that he had caused it! 

She went on for what seemed a long time, keeping her victim stance. She accused him of being inconsiderate and autocratic. He let her carry on. Eventually she ran out of accusations. They did not agree on a compromise. They never spoke about it again.

Friday came and he went to Rosalind's 21st. He left reasonably early and then joined Kayla at her sister's farewell event.

In the days following the incident he kept rehashing in his mind what had transpired. He still saw it as merely a clash of dates, a simple, unfortunate twist of fate. He still felt it should have been an easily resolvable problem. It need not have caused the tension in their relationship that it had. 

He appreciated Kayla's position, disappointment. It had made her feel like she was the victim. He rejected that it was his fault and would not accept blame for it. Perhaps he could have handled it differently. He still did not see her as being a victim. Not even a victim of circumstances.

Did she really believe she is the victim here or is she deliberately manipulating him? No, he ruled out manipulation. She genuinely felt that she was being disadvantaged. She was very convincing about how she saw the situation. It had Nathan questioning his own judgement. Whatever the reality, he did not see himself as a candidate for being manipulated. Not blatant manipulation anyway. Could it possibly be his blind spot?  No, he ruled out manipulation.

Perhaps he was too used to making decisions on his own. He'd been single for a long time and was not accustomed to consulting with a partner. Perhaps making decisions without having to consult a partner had become a habit. Now he felt she was trying to take away his independence. Could it be that he had overreacted?

There were a number of unanswered questions.

In the end he settled for somewhere between the two extremes. His view was still, it's an unfortunate clash of dates, easily resolved. On the other extreme, Kayla's take, unreasonable demands, an infringement on her rights. He probably could have handled it differently. Blamed himself for being somewhat insensitive and undertook to tread carefully in future. It was all part of getting to know one another.

Their relationship survived a number of these. Despite the ups and downs they honored the decision they'd made. They took the decision seriously and were committed to getting married. Kayla did most of the arrangements. When she had done her browsing for rings she took him to the jewelry shop and showed him her choice. It was not an expensive ring. Kayla was practical about money matters. "What do you think? Do you like it?" He could see she was nervous. Probably worried he may object.

"Darling it's lovely." She relaxed visibly when he continued with, "You happy with it is nine tenths of what's important to me." 

Before the ring she'd already arranged the pastor and the celebration venue. Nathan wanted an ante-nuptial contract. Her first reaction was to resist. Her first marriage was by community of property. She explained that it symbolized trust in one another for her. 

They discussed it and Nathan insisted. It was also for her protection. That her assets, although she had little at the moment, could not be seized to pay his debt. His debt was also small at the moment. But one couldn't predict the future. To him it was a simple, practical thing. 

She arranged that too. Within days she presented the paperwork for him to sign. It was the standard contract she said. He did no bother to read it. Even if he did he would probably not understand what it said. They did not sign the actual contract paper. He signed a power of attorney for the attorney's paralegal to sign the ante-nuptial contract on their behalf. That was practical since the signing of the actual contract had to be  in the Deeds Office before the relevant official. Bureaucracy! He hated bureaucracy.

Nathan actually was at arms length from all the arrangements related to the ceremony. He bought Kayla a gold chain for a wedding gift on the day and he paid for the caterer and some other things. That was it. She did everything. He just had to show up.